baby, i miss you much.

still feeling the effects of last night, and had a stupid horrible nightmare =/
we’ll make this work right?
was editing darl’s introduction for FYP (urgh) and im tired just after editing half of it. oh wells.

 

cant wait to talk to you, my precious one.
cant stop loving you. Muacks. ((:

 was taken at grandma’s on sat

couldnt bring myself to read the last couple of lines in your post and i just scanned thru, pardon me if there’s any unanswered doubts. i thought you were fine with the whole dinosaur friend issue already and it was rather shocking to see you bringing it up again. i thought we said never to mention it but im trying hard to put myself in your shoes and try to understand the matter from a whole new perspective.

all i want to say is, im sorry. i thought that i have already explained everything; i was so madly in love with you till i felt that rejecting you when you popped the question would just blow it. i really wanted you so badly and i was willing to give up everything, including dino friend, just to be with you.
i did initiate a breakup with her and why was i surprised, she refused to let go and there was this whole transitory part. im sorry for all the hurt that i’ve inflicted on you and all i can hope is for you to just forget about what happened and let all the pain go. yes, dino friend was a major factor when i said i was unsure about being with you.

my world just crumpled too, when you told me you found out about the blog. i know i was at fault and i wouldnt hold you back if you wanted to leave. you chose to stay, however, and it was a pleasant surprise. i tried to give you the assurance but it never seems enough, but i’ll continue to give you the assurance, esp when you’re filled with doubts and uncertainties, till you tell me that you’re giving up.

i love you baby, i really do.

when i told you about the mummy ex and dino friend incident, i know that doubts will arise, tho i was hoping it wouldnt. i was just taking the chance and hoping that you wouldnt use it against me, something like what you’re doing now. i really do want to share my life and past experiences with you, tell you whatever that has happened for the 18.5 years, all that i can remember. you know, after i left mummy ex, i just regretted tremendously but it was too late to reverse it. i am confident enough to tell you now that i wont let you go, i would not want to make the same mistake twice. you might not know it but i’ve been trapped in the vicious cycle of dinosaur friend for 2 years and there’s many futile attempts to break out of it, but you came along and became the major reason, for that i cant thank you enough.

this whole relationship is filled with doubts and uncertainities, a few times more than others, because of the current circumstance we’re in. im not letting this go, unless you are. but baby, i think we need alot of trust and assurance to make it work, and i’ll prove to you how much you mean to me and how much i dont want to lose you. i dont know how else to re-emphasise the fact that i will never ever hurt you, thus wont lie to you and stuff. please.

was worried that you wont be happy if i head out with nic, thats why for the past few times i’ve been asking if you’re fine but you didnt bring anything up. if there’s anything bothering you, please let me know. this is to ensure that there wont be misunderstandings or unhappiness. like i’ve said, im willing to give up anything for you, which inevitably includes nic. please baby. AIYO.

i would really want to make it thru with you. its just 8 months, please dont let this go.
now, tell me whats 8 months compared to the rest of our lives?
because honestly, to me, 8 months is nothing, almost negligible, compared to the rest of the years i’ll be spending together with you (:

 

i love you.

everytime i see this picture can’t help but grin to myself. when i saw this smurf series, i knew i’m gonna get it for the both of us. the brainy smurf and smurfette. how cute. like i’ve told you, intellectual beng beng and hot princess. look at the second pic. it’s as though i’m looking at you by giving you the nerdy look and totally interested in you. also you were looking back at me. haha. i really do hope you like the top.

honestly, whenever you’re out with nic i feel bitter. don’t know why. just felt like we haven’t been doing many things together. this long distance thing is really dreadful and i don’t even know if i’m able to cope with it for another 8 months or more. it’s like i’m really stressed up with school work and i know i really have to get bloody good grades in order to further studies in singapore. i don’t even know should i carry on studying or start working with lousy degree when i’m back. also i have this relationship to maintain and to make sure we make it through because i really want to make this work but my mind likes to play games with me. i hate it, i totally hate it. and i know you’ve assured me enough. really, the sense of uncertainties is very strong. very very strong. and whenever we have disagreements, i always make you feel like you’re not good enough. do you know how much that hurts? and it made me feel like i’m a failure for making you feel this way because you’re not suppose to feel that way. you don’t know how special you are to me. whenever i miss you, i’ll listen to the song ‘with you’ and i always craze for your attention but i know i shouldn’t be so selfish.

baby, i’m so so scare that the incident where you dated with dinosaur friend and me at the same time will happen again. i’m scare. and you told me when you were with your mummy ex, you kept in contact with dinosaur friend without mummy ex knowing about it. after which you broke up with her to be with dinosaur friend. i don’t get it why. i mean dinosaur friend treated you like crap and why did you go back to her? baby, it has happened and i was wondering what’s the probability of it happening the third time? when i found out that you were seeing dinosaur friend the same time as me, do you know how much it hurt? at that time, i really wanted to let it go but i love you too much to see you go. just feels like the wound is not completely healed at all. sometimes i wonder if finding the blog is a good thing. i remember there was once we were at clark quay and i even asked you to ask dinosaur friend out because i don’t want to see you feeling bored at home. at that time, i thought she’s your close friend but it was more than that. was i killing myself by doing that or what? and there was one saturday, i came back from malaysia and went to meet you for a while. you said you had family dinner when you were actually watching beauty world with dinosaur friend. of all musicals, beauty world? gees man. when i read the entry, i broke down and it was so bad. my whole world crumpled down right in front of me. it’s just too overwhelming. i remember you once told me you’re for monogamy. but why baby? why? i rather you reject me when i asked you to be my girlfriend and tell me that you’re actually seeing dinosaur friend. when i asked you to be my girlfriend and you said you were unsure, was dinosaur friend one of the factors? oh man. why don’t you wanna tell me when you got back together with dinosaur friend? when this thing happened, i was just left hanging there. it’s like there’s still so many unanswered doubts. are you willing to answer those doubts? i need to understand and i don’t want it to happen again.

Hello baby girl.

Oh yes, wordpress did change alot. haha. it’s really nice to be able to see you posting up pictures again.

baby, you know i felt you really changed alot. not in the bad way, really. remember that week i was so stressed up with assignment and we had little disagreement and i became really cold. you were even more patient with me. baby, i’m not saying you weren’t patient last time but i get to see gentle side of you which you’ve not shown it to me. at that point of time, i wish you were here with me so badly. thank you baby. you know i also want to give in to you. yup, r/s does need alot of comprising and i know we’ll be able to do that.

i know, there’s still so many many things i don’t know about you but we have the time to know each other because we’re gonna make this last forever and ever and ever and air con right? haha. i guess sometimes our fight could be due to differences in how we think or look at one thing. we might be looking at it at a different angle, that’s why it triggers the disagreement. but it’s alright, it’s just one of the ways where we can get to know each other better but we can’t use it as an excuse every time we fight ok? haha.

baby, i really love you alot too. if i could show you my heart, you’ll see that i truly and honestly love you. you can see your name all over my heart and a picture of you only. grins. that’s how much i love you. muacks.

 

hello baby! (: grins.

why has wordpress changed so much? goodness goodness.
you know i miss you plenty and i realised i/we havent been posting much pictures right?

when you sent me the text saying you realised “everything isnt about me anymore”, i know you didnt mean it in a bad way but somehow i dont mind giving in to you, because everything in my life is about you (: im sorry if you’ve to give in to me, or rather, im really thankful that you’ve given in to me and i hate to admit it but a r/s needs lots of compromising. please remember that i really dont mind giving in and letting you have your way okay?

we’re still in the midst of getting to know each other better, and getting more and more involved in each other’s lives. its gonna be really hard but we’ll make it work right? i hate the times when we fight or have disagreements, im sure you dont like them too. im sorry if i’ve ever made you upset, but i love you much, really really do.

love you baby dearest, muacks (:

Imagine that the pillow that you cried on was my chest,
and the tissue that you wiped your face with was my hand.
Girl, imagine: if you needed advise about some other girl, I’m the one that comes to mind.
Not tryna hear you tell nobody that I’m just a friend,
just trying to make sure I’m that body that you call yours,
and anytime you need a shoulder — it’s yours, night or day,
but what I’m tryna say is, I wanna be…

The last number you call late at night (said I wanna be),
The first one that you dial when you open your eyes.
Wanna be the one you run to,
wanna be the one that ain’t gonna hurt you,
I wanna be yeah, I wanna be yeah..
Be the one making your girl jealous,
be the one shuttin’ down all the fellas..
whatever you need, girl, it’s all on me:
soldier, your friend or your lover, girl,
I wanna be…

Would it be cool?
Would you mind if I called you my boo,
what if the next whip you was pushin’ was the one I bought for you?
Can I be the one that meets your pops and take your mama shoppin’, be the only one they like?
Have you thought about it — wait — really thought about it?
Maybe you should take some time
call your girls and talk about it, yeah.
’cause I done already made up my mind,
don’t need no more time to know if I wanna be with you,
I wanna be…

Put me on your screen saver, all over your myspace and make me one of your top favorites,
that’s where I wanna be…
The one you cryin’ for (stand up for and fightin’ for)
wanna be your good, bad, love, hate girl..

Cross my heart hoped to die, on everything that’s good,
I’m gonna do you right, show you right, get this understood.

I wanna be yours.

a day had passed by but it seemed like ages for just one day to pass by like that. i’m not looking forward to seeing the day and waking up to another day where i do not have you by my side. every day my heart bleeds even more and it just desires more and more of you each day. i wish i was there.

you asked why do we both feel crappy? last night, i was just sitting on my bed and leaning against the wall, thinking where did we go wrong? why would all these happened? started thinking from the moment i wasn’t on singapore soil. one thing for sure is we’re so emotionally attached and so comfortable with one another. during my last 2 weeks in singapore, we met up almost everyday. but right now, we spent our days just by texting, blogging and the best we can do is to talk on the phone. another factor is the distance. distance wasn’t a problem for us when i was back in singapore. just one call and all i need to do is to take the train or the taxi down to look for you. but now we’re miles away. i recalled you saying that you felt like i’m just some imaginary friend. i don’t know why, i somehow agreed with you even though my mind tells me you’re definitely more than just an imaginary friend. somehow there’s this x factor that’s gone and i’m trying to find that x factor back. first of all, i need to know what is it. what’s missing and i’m desperate looking for it.

sometimes i feel really selfish. have i spare a thought for you before? everything it’s about me, myself and i. it shouldn’t be like that. are you feeling suffocated from this relationship? i find myself forcing stuff on you and didn’t give you the space to breathe at all. i’m expecting too many things at one go and it’s causing you to drown even more each day. i’m really sorry. just feel that the things i do is not helping our r/s grow and i always think i’m right. i can never be wrong. squishy, how dumb can you get? the world doesn’t revolve just around you ok, squishy?

i want you to know that i’m happy. not because i’m here in aus or going out with my friends. all these are just short term happiness and it can never be compare to having you in my life. please do not have suicidal thoughts ok? if you ever do, please tell me or at least tell darl. it’s not worth it, it really isn’t. i don’t want anything to happen to you, the pain and hurt will be so many times worse than the emotional roller coaster ride we’re going thru. there’s still so many people who love you and care for you, like your family. do it for them ok? =) i want you to be happy too. not everything is about me, it’s all about you as well. i want to see you happy, don’t

you’ll always have me and i will always want to be with you, everywhere you go and anything you do. just give you, me and us one more year, all i’m asking is just one year. once i’ve complete my studies in aus, i’ll be back and i’m sure things will be different from now. i’ve told you before, i would rather come back singapore to further my studies because of you and my family. no matter how much i love aus, there’s still no place like home. my family and you have such important place in my heart. i’ll do anything to work it out with you. i seriously and sincerely want to spend my life with you. you and no one else. right now both of us are in third year, work load will be piling when school starts for you and for me. before you know, the both of us will graduate and i’ll be back in singapore for good. right right? =) i’m so excited about what the future holds for the both of us. baby, will you wait for me? i don’t anyone to be loving you and neither do i want anyone to be loving me.

let’s support one another to go thru this year ok? i’m determine to make this work out. i’ll always be here for you, no matter what or where. this i promise you, till the very end. you know i’m just one text and one call away.

I LOVE YOU!

hey baby,

today’s just one of those really crappy days. for the whole day, i was just thinking about you and how are you doing. and the urge of wanting to go back to singapore just to see you is so strong and i couldn’t concentrate on anything. i just stoned in lecture after lecture. was reading thru one of the lyrics you wrote on the servettes and i couldn’t help but cried. i miss so many things about you. i’ve missed out so much from your life and all i hope is you’re doing alright. honestly, i’m not really coping very well with what’s happening around us. my mind is filled with thoughts of you and i thought i could use my studies as a distraction but it just seems so impossible. baby, can i request something from you? can i msg more with you while you’re on your way to work? then can i talk to you on the phone every night? i remember i used to receive replies from you quite often even while you’re on your way to work and i really missed that. i miss long replies from you too.

i feel so choke and the thing i really miss most about is how you care for me. like how you’ll ask me have i eaten. be careful on my way to school. don’t do this, don’t do that. overall, i just miss so badly. really badly. also how you’ll make the first move by saying you miss me or you love me. every small little things you do really affect me greatly. i know you said all these need time. but baby, i don’t understand why it needs time. please let me know so i’ll understand. baby, can i ask you a qns? how much do i mean to you right now? haha. i miss you asking me this qns too together with that cute tone. and questions like what do i love about you and has anything faded. i just love reassuring you everytime. i hope the day where all these things will flow right back into our lives will come soon. i really don’t know how to get thru a day without you saying i love you, i really don’t. just wish i could sleep thru the months till the day i get to see and touch your face again. =)

baby, i hope my sms-es today for you makes you feel better. is that enough or do you want much more than that? i’ll do anything to get us back on track. you know, i really love you very much. you’re always the one the make me look forward to another day. you’re always the one that motivates me in everything i do. you might not know, even when i play basketball with my church friends i will imagine you watching me play and i get so hyped up. from the simplest thing to the major ones, you’ve always been the one. the impact you have in my life is too great to be measured or compared. hope i’m not making you feel even more lost by saying all this. baby, this entry is not to blame anyone but it’s written out of love and much misses. the moment i wake up, my first thought will be is today gonna be different from yesterday. can’t wait for the camii that i know to be back. =)

This is the lyrics i read from the servette you gave to me, Anywhere For You:

I’d go anywhere for you
Anywhere you asked me to
I’d do anything for you
Anything you want me to
I’d walk halfway around the world
For just one kiss from you
Far beyond the call of love
The sun, the stars, the moon
As long as you’re love’s there to ead me
I won’t lose my way believe me
Even through the darkest night you knowI’d go anywhere for you
Anywhere you asked me to
I’d do anything for you
Anything you want me to
You’re love is far as I can see
Is all I’m ever gonna need
There’s one thing I know
For sure it’s true
Baby, I’d go anywhere for you

I used to think that dreams were just
For sentimental fools
And I’d never find someone
Who’d give their love so true
But I knew the very minute
Couldn’t live my life without you in it
And now I want the whole wide world to know

I’d go anywhere for you
Anywhere you asked me to
I’d do anything for you
Anything you want me to
you’re love is far as I can see
Is all I’m ever gonna need
There’s one thing I know
For sure it’s true
Baby, I’d go anywhere for you

I’d go anywhere for you
Anywhere you asked me to
I’d do anything for you
Anything you want me to
you’re love is far as I can see
Is all I’m ever gonna need
There’s one thing I know
For sure it’s true
Baby, I’d go anywhere for you

I’d go anywhere for you
Anywhere you asked me to
I’d do anything for you
Anything you want me to
you’re love is far as I can see
Is all I’m ever gonna need
There’s one thing I know
For sure it’s true
Baby, I’d go anywhere for you

Baby, does the meaning of the song still stands? I LOVE YOU!

hello baby girl.

the past few days had been really terrible and i hope you’re doing alright. we both know things are not the same as the last time but it’s alright, you’ve said such things take time. i want you to know that nothing has faded at my side and i really still wanna spend my life with you. sorry for the times where i put our r/s into those unneccessary stress and all those accumulation is taking its effect. let time do the job and hurt shouldn’t be part of the plan. =)

how’s work today? don’t stress ok baby. i promise what happened on sat will never ever happen again. i don’t know if you still believe me but i’ll prove it to you.

school’s alright today. it was like one and a half lecture only. because the 2nd class was just presentation and it was only a group which ended in 15mins. should have skipped huh? hahaha. had lunch with chiew hui and annabel, sat down at the lawn and chatted. for chiew hui, she still had class so the both of us walked her to her class. then we went into this shop that sells graduation bears and we were discussing how our science graduation gown will not nice. hahaha. then that chiew wanted to go say hello to su lynn and just as me and chiew hui walked out of the shop, we saw her kissing william. gees. you should see chiew hui’s reaction. it was classic. hahaha. both her jaws and eyes were wide opened. chiew hui was so angry when she saw it. well, chiew hui has been asking su lynn not to get back together with william because he treated her like crap so she felt betrayed. as for me, i totally have no reaction to that. i was just too pre occupied with other stuff and this is the last thing i wanna be bothered about it. you must be wondering where’s annabel. she missed that whole show because she was talking to a friend. annabel was so disappointed that she didn’t get to see and she was saying why did her friend say hello to her. hahaha. after which, annabel and i just went to take around. updating about each other’s life.

alright, next up will the pics from the picnic.

 first stop, a smiley face of a boy. hahaha. cool huh? it tasted abit weird though, must be because they added alot of pepper. it tasted very pepper-ish.

 they’re trying to take a pic as an evidence that i’m reading something porno. oh well. hahaha. it’s readers’ digest, how porn can it get.

 the sandwiched we made and the lasagna in the oven.

 yummy!

 the people who went for the picnic

 one of the charade groups

 tadaa! this is my group.

 this is my high school friend cheryl. it’s just embarassing to even take this pic of her with her pads. haha.

 nachos! do you like nachos?

 how about wedges? do you like them? eat it with sweet chilli sauce and sour cream. heaven. haha

LASTLY,

 my EVERLAST shoes from korea. grins.

I love you because I know you’re always there… there to catch me when I fall… there to listen when I need you, there when I feel alone. I love you because you understand me… you know how I feel even when I can’t say it… you know I’m not as strong as I say and still you never let me know that I’m not fooling you. I love you because you make me believe, believe that I am not worthless… believe that I can be loved, am loved, and can love others. I love you because you know, you know I feel this way but can’t say it and still you wait… letting me take my time to come to terms with the fact that I love you… would give my life up to be with you… and above all… never hurt you… lie to you… or leave you. Now I hope you understand.

Never in a million years did I think I’d find someone
so utterly and completely perfect, someone who would make me happier than I ever dreamed I could be, someone that would touch my life so profoundly and just give me a whole new reason to breathe. But then I found you and realized that everything I anticipated you to be, doesn’t even compare to what you are.

I LOVE YOU!

hello baby girl!

how’s your day at work? you’re like a busy bee. buzz buzz. haha. baby, don’t get paranoid ok? i know you’re busy at work and i’m not gonna ask you to reply me no matter how busy you are. i don’t want to go thru another emotional roller coaster right and definitely not over work. right? everything is good. don’t think read too much into it ok? i’m sorry i’ve a history of making us thru go those unnecessay emotional roller coaster and i’ll try to control myself. if not i’ll smack or kick myself. grins. does this make you feel better? hahaha. *ruffles your hair

school’s alright. had a 8am class and i was dragging myself off the bed. chiew hui gave me a wake up call because they know i’ve been missing my morning lectures. hahaha. this lecture is supposed to be at 12pm but i think the lecturer had something on so he changed it to 8am. in the end, i had like 6hrs break in between my next class. so i came back home. after that, i was super reluctant to go for the pathology class but in my mind i was thinking of someone and how i’ve promised i won’t skipped any more lectures. *looks at you. haha. see, you’ve make such an impact in my life. if it weren’t you, i’m sure i would have skipped that lecture. you’re my source of motivation too. =)

silly girl. i’m glad you had fun last night even though it was lonely without you msging. hahaha. no, it wasn’t a hint for anything. baby, i understand. i really really do. i actually put myself in your shoes and i know i would do the same thing as you too if my friend goes on ranting. even though sometimes i wish he/she will stop. haha.

yes yes yes! we’re suppose to build a bear together. just hope the collection is better than the last time we saw it together. wow. that’s nice. hmm, when was the last time i have a little cousin? many many years ago. hahaha. but baby, i can be very creative too. no? like those catchphrases i came up with this afternoon for you. hahaha. i think those catchphrases were too cheesy. oh well.

baby, why don’t you like fish and co? because the food is terrible or? no no, i’m glad she sent you back. i wouldn’t want you to go back alone. i don’t want anything to happen to you. i can’t afford to see anything happen to you. =)

silly you. there’s nothing to be sorry about for your blog. at least i get to know what are you really feeling and thinking. haha. then who’s brown cow?

baby, i’m sorry for the times i’ve let you down, upset you, angered you and wasn’t of any help to your problems or ease your difficult situations. i will be better for you, me and us. you really mean alot to me and i can’t just go on without you. you’ve always been my strength, my glory and the pillar of my weaknesses. I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! to the infinity.

They got a lotta girls
Who know they got it going on
But nothing’s ever a comparison to you
Now can’t you see that your the only one I really want
And everything I need
Is everything you do?

Any girl walk by, don’t matter
‘Cause your looking so much better
Don’t ever need to get
Caught up in jealousy
She could be a super-model
Every magazine… the cover
She’ll never, ever mean a thing to me…

She’s no you… oh, no
You give me more than I could ever want
She’s no you
I’m satisfied with the one I’ve got
’cause your all the girl
That I’ve ever dreamed
She’s only a picture on a magazine
She’s no you… she’s no you

They got a lot of girls
Who dance in all the videos
But I prefer the way you do,
The way you move
You’re more than beautiful
And I just wanna let you know
That all I ever need
Is what I’ve got with you

Any girl walk by, don’t matter
Every time your looking better
I think your perfect
There ain’t nothing I would change
She could be a super-model
Every magazine… the cover
She’ll never, ever take my heart away

No one’s ever gonna get to me
Oh, the way you do
Now baby can’t you see
That you’re the one… the only one
Who’s ever made me feel this way?

Nothings ever coming even close
No one’s ever been comparable to you

I don’t want nothing I don’t got
I don’t need nothing but you
I can’t get more than you give me
Don’t stop anything you do.
Your all that… all that, and then some
You know what… just what I need
And no girl, no place and no where
Could mean a thing to me.